Pregnancy brain, full force!

This has been such a busy year, already! 5 more days and my baby turns 19! Holy cow!! I can't believe I have an adult child. Craziness. The graduation party/open house is Sunday too.  I feel so unorganized for this thing!!! My OCD has me wanting to check and recheck all 10 of the checklists I have going right now. I just know I'm going to forget something. I have a lot of helping hands so it should be ok. Hopefully. Lord help me. I'm such a worry wart! I just want it to go smoothly for Caleb. I only have 13 more days with him before he leaves for basic training.

I can't even believe how grown up he is. Ok. My heart hurts. Let's talk about baby for a minute.

The baby shower went well. I was glad we had a smaller amount of people show up. About 1/2 way through it I was completely uncomfortable, overheated, sore and super tired. But I was sooooo grateful for all the people that showed up, the ones that sent gifts who couldn't make it and the amazing gifts everyone gave.  I still haven't gotten the thank you notes out....but they're done! I swear! Pregnancy brain example #1. I just keep forgetting to stop and get stamps!!! Ugh!

This baby will not be needing clothes until he is about a year old....depending on how rapidly he grows. Between my obsession with garage sales and mom 2 mom sales, all the awesome clothes we received as gifts and the hand me downs...we're good. Last Saturday I not only went through all his clothes but I organized everything and inventoried so I could return duplicates and see what all I still need to get. I just ordered the baby bath, a diaper bag, a hanging organizer, some swim pants and some Orajel today. When I get my 10% of coupon for Babies R Us I'll be getting some other necessities, like bottles!! I think I have enough to cover what I still want to get: bottles, a bottle brush, a dishwasher basket, a changing pad and cover, safety latches for drawers and doors, and maybe a bedding set. I have some blankets and sheets but I want to get bumpers and a cute set for the crib. I'm going to have to get some baby laundry soap and get all this stuff washed soon too.  Baby will be here sooner than we know and poor dude won't have any clean duds. I put together all his toys and gadgets and I now know how to use them all. Whew! Some of the assembly process wasn't pretty.  Good thing I was all by myself trying to figure it out, otherwise, I'd have to actually admit it wasn't easy. ;-) Honestly, it wasn't. But that was mostly due to the fact that I had to do the majority of it from a seated position because of my sore bum!! But who's the mamma? This girl.

I didn't get to paint the room and Gabe still has some lingering belongings in there...but I'm okay with it at this point. Gabe and Caleb never had a decorated nursery so I'm already spoiling little ninja baby.

5-6 weeks to go and D-day still feels so far away.  I have a list but haven't packed my bags yet. I don't even know what to take, really. I'm keeping it simple though.  Ha! I say that now. Wait until Barry's carrying that bag into the hospital, shaking his head, asking what the hell I packed in that sucker.  I can hear him now..."are you sure you didn't forget something? Like, the kitchen sink or a spare tire for the car?" You can thank Grandma Runyan for that. She taught me how to be a pack rat. It isn't hoarding status or anything....I just have a hard time letting go of some things or thinking I'm forgetting something.  So I tend to....over do it sometimes. Ha!

Well, I'm off to see Dr. Gibbs to find out when he's doing my final ultrasound. We'll find out how big Ninja baby is getting and how long he's going to let me go before he induces. Apparently baby is above the 98th percentile already with a big head and belly.  I really wish he'd be a little less vague about how long he thinks he'll let me go. I need dates, Doc. Stat. I need to know like, yesterday. Okay. I'll try to be more patient.

Hurry up Ninja Baby!!!

Light at the end of the gestational tunnel

What a ride it's been.

My baby shower is in 6 days and I feel so unorganized. I'm worried about how I'll feel, physically. I guess it's a good thing I have so many loving, helping hands that plan to be around for it!!

The Sciatica is still here. Some days are better than others, but that sharp pain that turns into spasms and radiating pain for hours or days just won't go away. I hope my Dr. is right. I hope that once I have the baby (or if I'm lucky, before), it'll subside.  Do you know how hard it is to sit down to pee?? To get up off the couch? To get in and out of my car?? To bend over and reach for something in the refrigerator? I can't push. I can't pull. I can't pivot to the left, only the right. I can't lift a pillow without calculating every move, every step. I can't get dressed or undressed alone. There are 25+ steps at my office that I have to face at least twice a day. I get about 5 steps up, one foot at a time and I have to stop to steady myself. My leg gets shaky and numb. My toes tingle. I take the next 5 and the same thing happens. By the time I get to the top of the stairs, my hip and butt are on fire and I feel like I just climbed Mt. Everest. I use a heating pad off and on at work and at home. I alternate with ice at home. That seems to help a little.  As long as I don't get any crazy ideas about moving even one square inch of my body for about an hour after I feel that smidgen of relief. I'm tempted to count how many times I grunt, grasp for a breath, or let out sighs of relief during the day. Not only am I tired, exhausted and just worn out from feeling this way all day, every day.  I'm so frustrated.

All I've done for the last several weeks, aside from the pain I'm enduring...is complain. I've always been one to take a step back and try to see the big picture before I freak out.  That has been the biggest challenge during this trimester of pain and frustration. There have been so many challenges and fears throughout this pregnancy but it wasn't until now that I was unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I only have 8-9 weeks to go so why can't I just focus on that? Before I know it, it'll all be over and I'll be holding this little angel in my arms, thinking of nothing but how much I love him and how glad I am that he's finally here.  Will I say, "it was all worth it", like I did after the first two? Up until a few weeks ago, maybe. I think I'm more likely to say, "There is no way I'd go through that again". Maybe because I already have 2 healthy children. (Well, one child, one adult!!) Or maybe once my mind isn't clouded by pain and frustration, I'll realize how lucky we are to have been able to take this journey one more time and bring this little baby into our world. This is, after all, what I've wanted for the last 11 years or so.

Through all the pain, the frustration and the exhaustion I can feel him moving all over, rolling around, kicking, jerking, punching. Nothing I'm going through seems to be bothering him one little bit! Any time I'm sitting idol, my hands are on my tummy. I keep stopping while I'm typing this just to feel him moving and shaking. It's a constant, positive reminder that all of this...stuff...this crap that I've been going through is going to result in something so amazing and so fantastic that it WILL all be worth it in the end.

He likes music, all kinds. He likes it when someone talks to him. He likes it when I rub my belly, in circles.  We sometimes play a little game.  I'll put my hands on my belly and wait for him to move. Then I'll push somewhere or rub somewhere and remove my hands.  He reacts by kicking or pushing in that area.  And sometimes, when I feel like I need it the most, he just rolls a little to let me know he's okay in there.

My Dr. says he won't let me go until August 3rd because he doesn't want me to deliver a 10 lb. baby. Apparently he's getting pretty big already. And if the pain in my hip doesn't subside before delivery, he might have to take him via c-section. I hope it doesn't come to that.  But whatever happens, I just hope baby is okay. Until then, I'll just take it day by day and hope for the best.

If you've been following this blog...thank you for taking the time to read it. And thank you for the kind words of love and encouragement.  And I'd also like to thank the people that have come to my aid in one way or another over the last few weeks or months.  You are my rocks and I love you. xoxo

I can't believe I've already been pregnant for 219 days!