A new beginning

Life is grand. I never thought I'd be having another baby at this point in my life but here we are. I'll be 37 before this little zygote is born.  I'll also be the mother of an 18 year old, an 11 year old and a 19 year old (step daughter).  There is probably a fairly large amount of people out there that think I'm crazy.  And maybe I am. But I couldn't be happier.

My first reaction to the news was good...but I felt like a loaded gun.  I was going to cry, but not for the reasons you think.  I was terrified. I'm still sort of ready to blow.  But I'm doing okay with it.  I already feel different this time than I did with the last pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage.  My boobs hurt pretty bad.  I feel nauseated, but haven't thrown up.  I've had a 3 day headache, which I now believe is caffeine withdrawals.  I stopped drinking coffee the minute I found out, literally.  Anyone that knows me knows I drink entirely too much coffee.  Maybe I should have weaned myself off.  Honestly, I felt like I had a super bad hang over all weekend.  You know, the kind where you turn your head and you feel like you're going to spin out of control and fall on your face? The vice grips on my temples were relentless.  And the dizziness was out of control.  In fact, that part is still lingering a little.  I feel like I could fall asleep at every moment.  I was tired a lot last time too.  But this time is different. It's not just sleepiness.  My entire body just wants to forfeit. I don't want to pick up my feet to walk! Last week I thought I was coming down with something because of the fatigue.  I crunched some numbers and found that it wasn't a bug but a BABY! Wow.  Just, wow.  This is so surreal.

At this point I know it's going to be hard for the first month or two.  I'm so scared that I'll lose this baby too.  Every little ache, cramp, and strain makes me gasp.  I haven't slept very good since the news and I'm sure it's that lingering fear.  I'm told it will get better and I pray that it does.  I tried for so long after that loss to figure out what I did wrong or why it happened.  I know it's more common than I thought. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I know everything happens for a reason.  And I know that I'll never know why.  I'm keeping a pregnancy journal this time to keep track of everything.  I'm told this should help too.  I won't put nearly as much in this blog as I will in the journal.  I'll spare you all the details of my innards.  But here, I can at least share my thoughts and fears and maybe get feedback and support from my awesome support system of family and friends.  The ones that read my blogs, anyway.

A lot of changes will take place in the months ahead.  Some big some small.  We'll have to train the dogs to stay off the couch and our bed from now on.  I'm a little nervous about how they will act with a baby.  They're already jealous of each other! We'll figure it out but I'm sure it'll take some time.  The one thing I already mentioned to my husband was that we were going to have to do some serious spring cleaning to make room for this little one.  I think we'll rent a dumpster in the spring.  That just sounds like the easiest thing to do.  Some things we'll donate.  Maybe I'll even try to have a garage sale prior to the dumpster rental.  We'll see how I feel. My workout routine will change too.  I don't even know what I'm allowed to do.  I did Tae Bo last night but I took it very easy. My diet has changed already too.  I printed out the 'do not eat' list and cut out the caffeine.  I've been drinking a ton of water. I even put a case in my trunk. I bought my prenatal vitamins over the weekend and started those too.  So far, so good.

This little baby is as close to a miracle as I can imagine.  I intend to do my best throughout this pregnancy to ensure a happy, safe, healthy delivery.  And from that moment on I will be the best mom I've ever been. Thank God for this little miracle.