Our gender ultrasound at My Little Me went very well last night. As soon as the doppler touched my belly the tech yelled, "It's a boy!" He was definitely determined to do two things. Keep us from seeing 'the proof' and make sure we know he's already a show off! He kept grabbing his business or trying to cover it up and he was moving all over the place! I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit surprised. But I guess my mommy intuition was right, once again. And more importantly I will remain outnumbered in the Silver household. Looks like it's time to remodel and add another bathroom!!
I've had a lot of people tell me they thought it was going to be a girl for one reason or another. Most people, in fact. I think they just wanted so badly for me to have a girl because they knew I wanted one, and it's our last baby. I love you all for that!! But you didn't wish hard enough!!! ;-)
He waved to us several times and sucked his thumb a few times. But more than anything he just wanted to play with his business. Typical boy, I guess! Ha! This one is my favorite. This little tiny foot is so stinking cute. And to make it more adorable, the tech captured a heart shape in the empty space of my uterus. I'm titling this one "footsteps on my heart". Uh, I melt...
As some of you already know we had a little scare this week. I called my Dr. yesterday to see if the results from my Quad screen came in. I didn't know how long it usually took for those results and had no idea they'd be ready. The nurse put me on hold to check and after a few minutes I was shocked to hear my Dr. pick up the line. For those of you that don't know, the quad screen is a maternal blood screening test that looks for 4 substances to determine the risk of Down's Syndrome. This test not only looks at blood results but also age and ethnicity. This test does not signify a problem, only whether or not further testing should be done. The results only tell us the persons chances of having an abnormality, not whether or not they have it. At my age my results should have been 1:168 or better. My results were 1:25. I had already done some research because at my age and with my history, it was the smart thing to do. I even talked to Barry about it a little. I chose to do the Quad screen because for me, it was better than wishing I had. At first, I was terrified when the Dr. gave me those numbers. A million things went through my mind. I have 2 healthy boys that came from 2 healthy pregnancies and have been healthy since I gave birth to them (for the most part). Caleb has had some bronchial issues and Gabe was diagnosed with ADHD, for which we no longer medicate him. Other than that, common colds and the occasional stomach bug. Since 2001, when I had Gabe, I've been pretty healthy myself. Other than some issues that resulted in further testing to find out that basically I'm getting old, I'm good. Honestly, I've said from the beginning that my body was probably more prepared to go through Menopause than pregnancy. But after reading about Down's and hearing other people's stories, I wanted to do the test. And if further testing was needed, we would deal with it at that time. The truth is, I didn't think much past that. I guess I really didn't think I'd get numbers like this. If this were my first pregnancy at this age that number would be even lower, making the odds even further against me. At this point, I believe my age plays a major part. I have an appointment with a maternal fetal medicine specialist on March 6th. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I want more information and getting it straight from the mouths of the people that deal with it the most is of the utmost importance to me. If anything, I want to be as prepared as I can, for whatever is in store for us and for baby boy Silver. I still have moments where my heart begins to flutter at the idea of anything being less than perfect with my little bean. It hurts. It makes me tear up. It scares the Bejesus out of me. For now, all I can do when I have moments like that...is breathe. And wait. This is my rainbow baby. My little miracle. I will never give up on him. I will never hurt him. I will never, ever stop loving him with my whole heart. I've wanted him for so long and now that I have him, I'm never letting go. I will fight to the ends of the earth for him. I may have days where I can't do that without the support of the one's I love and surround myself with. So if I call you or text you or Facebook message you because I need someone to virtually bitch slap me, please oblige. I am a strong woman. Of the men in my life I've outlived one, outsmarted one, married two, raised one, am still raising one, and am now creating a third. I will not let this situation dictate the rest of this pregnancy. I will not let it consume me. But I will concede that I am only human and I can't always tell my heart how to feel. Forgive me if I have moment's of weakness, but please, please don't let me fall.
If I've learned anything useful about this test and my results it's that you can't trust it. A lot of women my age get results like this and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. If this baby has Down's, it's not going to change anything, for me. So I'll see the specialist and I'll get the ultrasound. I will not, however, get the Amniocentesis. Those results won't change anything for me. There is a less than 1% chance of miscarriage with Amniocentesis. That's less than 1% more of a chance than I'm willing to take. If I were to do the Amniocentesis and baby was fine but then I miscarried...I would blame myself and that's not something I want to deal with. Please keep my little bean in your prayers. He's only the size of an apple right now so he needs all the support he can get. ;-)
As each day passes and this baby gets closer and closer to being snuggled and smooched my heart grows bigger and bigger. We have a long and bumpy road ahead. Thank you again, friends and family!! You're the best!
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