Inhale...Exhale...Rub the tummy...

Every day of this pregnancy has been a milestone for me. Not a day goes by that I don't worry about one thing or another. With my other pregnancies, I was never monitored so closely and never knew so much about what was happening with baby or with my body. I knew what I had to know and I had two healthy boys. I've since come to the conclusion that knowing is both a blessing and a curse.

I once had a desire to study midwifery. I still think it would be an amazing job but I don't feel I'm in a position to pursue it now. I am beyond fascinated with the way a woman's body works and how a baby grows. I truly believe that if this were a career path I chose to follow, I would be eternally happy. If only I could.

In 137 days, or less I will be looking into a beautiful set of eyeballs and squishing some pretty adorable cheeks. Today is day 143. A few times a day I feel the little booger moving around in there, reminding me that all is well.  When I don't feel him moving around, I get a little...preoccupied, to say the least. After the ultrasound on March 6th I tried not to worry as much since I know my placenta is in front. That makes it much harder to feel. As my Dr. put it, if you knock on the door you can hear it both inside and outside the room. But if you put a mattress up over the door and knock on it, the mattress will absorb the sound. That is very frustrating. I felt Caleb and Gabe both kicking like crazy at this point so it's hard not to worry a little. I've noticed when I do feel this baby kick, I feel it more on the right, which is where he's been this whole pregnancy. I found out at today's ultrasound that my placenta is on the left and in the front, but not completely. I should be able to feel much more movement in the coming days. I can't wait!! They also measured the cyst on baby's brain today. It's still there and hasn't shrunk much but Dr. is hopeful that it will be gone by or before delivery. He's very optimistic, which makes this momma feel much relief!! I realized after doing some research and hearing what the Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. said that it wasn't a lot to be concerned about. Dr. Hnat said that he would leave it up to my OB how often to do an ultrasound, to check on the cyst. Today, my OB said he is going to treat my pregnancy as a normal pregnancy and see me in 4 weeks to do a follow up ultrasound. The relief I felt hearing him say that was immeasurable! There was, however, one other thing he discussed with me. Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid.  They use a scale of 5-20 for normal readings. My amniotic fluid was at 22.  I asked him what that could mean and his answer somewhat confused me. He said it could be a lot of things. But the only 'thing' he mentioned was that baby could be peeing a lot. He said that the amount of fluid changes regularly, throughout the pregnancy and the next time they check it, it could be significantly lower. Just when I could feel the tears in my eyes starting to well up he said that he wasn't particularly concerned about that either, but he'd keep an eye on it. Overall, I left the office feeling pretty good. There will always be a small amount of worry and fear until I have this precious baby in my arms (and then a whole new set of fears will begin!). But generally, I felt relieved and happy.

As you may have guessed, the first thing I did when I got to work was jump on the internet. What I found is that many Dr's. consider a normal range for amniotic fluid from 5-25. At least I'm within THAT range. Right? I also did some reading about what could cause it to be high and I really shouldn't have done that. Maternal diabetes, twins, chromosomal abnormalities, or a problem with the baby where he can't swallow amniotic fluid. I really hope he's just peeing a lot. But at this point I can rule out twins. This 'condition', having too much amniotic fluid is called polyhydramnios. It can make other pregnancy symptoms feel much worse, like indigestion, heart burn, constipation, swollen legs, varicose veins and stretch marks. It also contributes to the difficulty in feeling baby move around.  Although this is one more thing to worry about, I'm glad my Dr. told me about it. Blessing? Curse? Both, I think. For now, I'll just trust Dr. Gibbs and hope for more kicks until I can see baby again.

I'm sure there will be many other moments that take my breath away, good and bad, before this little bundle arrives. I tend to be the worrisome kind, so I know this. But for every day that goes by, I am one day closer to meeting him. Hugs and kisses, Baby Boy Silver. We got this.