My heart just skipped a beat thinking about it.
Aside from
being over the moon excited about seeing baby again, I’m also excited at the
prospect of finding out whether baby is a he or a she. I held out the entire 40
weeks with my boys. It was exciting and beautiful and I’m really happy that I
did it. But this time I’m a little older
and on a little tighter budget so I’d like to be able to plan ahead. From the
day we found out about baby I’ve had mixed emotions about the gender. My mother's intuition really is telling me it's a boy. Is that because I am afraid I'll feel differently if it's a boy and I don't want to have guilt?? I don't know. Everyone says “I
just want a healthy baby”, but really, what do I want? Of course I want a
little girl!! I live in a house full of boys! There is so much testosterone
pumping in my house I occasionally forget that I’m a girl, myself. My manners
tend to go right out the window because I know that no one will say anything if
I burp or fart or forget to put my dishes in the sink. There a million things
to love about my boys but the one thing that bothers me is that they don’t
really get me. I’m artsy and crafty and driven by my left brain tendencies. I
want to sing and dance! I want to have pajama parties and paint my toe nails
while watching sappy chick flicks for the millionth time. I want to make
homemade Valentine’s Day cards and cupcakes and I want someone to want to do
that with me. My boys all want to play
on the computer or break out the Nerf guns and Legos. While there’s nothing
wrong with that (I also like Nerf guns and Legos), that’s all there is in my
house. Dirt, farts, noise, rough housing, slamming doors, toilet seats left up,
dirty clothes on the floor next to the laundry chute, skid mark underwear,
Modern Warfare on and off the screen, dirty socks in the kitchen, R2D2 in the
bath tub, way too much man soap, Diary of a Wimpy Kid booger posters, slime on
my basement floor, and 15 jars of unidentifiable objects placed strategically
around the house (I’m convinced for their amusement and my astonishment). I
need quiet and soft and cuddly for a minute, man. So yes, I really, really,
really want a girl. But even if there’s another little boy in there…I’ll still
be over the moon excited.
This
ultrasound tomorrow will also serve as an opportunity to see what my lovely
uterus is up to. I hope she is no longer up to no good. What is this “you’re
too big for your britches” business anyway? I know there’s only one baby in
there. I’m not even slightly concerned about that outcome. And it’s not the
first time little miss “I can do what I want because I’m housing your growing
baby” has decided to gain a few pounds without notice. Back in 2010 the good
Doctor got to know me inside and out while he scoped out my innards, searching
for answers to what was ailing me. He discovered I had Adenomyosis. Basically
cysts growing in the muscle layer of my uterus. Fun, huh? He said I’d live but
that I should get on birth control to stop the formation of the cycts.
Otherwise, the only fix was to get fixed. Hysterectomy. He and I were on the
same page with my decision to try the birth control. Who wants to trade one set
of miserable circumstances for another, right? I was too young for that crap
anyway. And, I was not entirely sure I was done trying for another bambino. Doc
said it wasn’t impossible though I may have some trouble conceiving if the
Adenomyosis was too bad. Well as the world knows, I didn’t have trouble
conceiving. I only had trouble maintaining. So the little bundle I’m now
carrying is nothing short of my miracle. Thanks to the powers that be for
giving me and my family this wonderful, beautiful, amazing, blessed and longed
for opportunity. Now, if those powers
could just keep a hand on me for the next 24 hours…I’d really like some good
news tomorrow. If the Adenomyosis is back or flaring up it could mean preterm
labor. I’m just going to say a little
prayer really quick….
Holy time
warp, Batman! Has it really been 14 weeks already??? 2nd Trimester!!! Wooooo Hooooo!! I
totally just said that in my best Spider Man voice in my head. You just re-read
it and did the same thing, huh? He he. Anyway, Saturday, February 2nd
I will be 14 weeks and officially in my second trimester. This was once an
unimaginable milestone for me. Though I spent most of the last 9 ½ weeks crying
and puking, I also found out just how strong my heart really is. The fear of
going through another loss is something almost impossible to avoid when you’ve
been through it 3 times already. And before I get too wound up in the heart
strings…let me just say that this little survivor is the absolute BEST reason
for me to keep my head above water. My
little love nugget (good one, huh?) is the size of a lemon right now. That is
ridiculously amazing. I have a lemon in my abdomen right now. My adorable sweet
and sour little ball of thumb sucking goodness is growing like wildfire!!
Wiggling their little fingers and toes and making their own pee!! I’m so
proud!! I just can’t wait until they say “I can wipe my own ass!!” Ok I can’t
wait. I want to savor (poor choice of words after the ass wiping comment) the
time I have to cuddle and squish and smooch on my little munchkin before he/she
gets too independent.
Talk about
making changes. Right now our babies are of the furry persuasion. They still
sleep most of the day and they love us even after they get in trouble. And
although they shed mad amounts of fur and smell up my furniture, they are
pretty low maintenance. They are our best friends. I’m wondering how they’ll
react to a real baby around the house. They love my sister’s girls when they
come over. Josie is usually scared out of her mind when Baby sniffs at
her. But Baby just loves Josie!! Lol Max,
on the other hand is probably the one we’ll have to worry about for a while. He
has little man’s syndrome. If it’s not all about him, it soon will be. He gets
so scared the only thing he knows how to do is get mad. I’m thinking it’s a
male thing. No offense to any guys reading this…but you really only have one
emotion most of the time. Maybe I shouldn’t call it anger….how about…aggression?
Yeah, that fits. I’m sure you’re sitting there saying, “Oh yeah, well the only
emotion you have is being 'bitchy’”. And we’re pretty good at it, huh? Now go fix
something. *smoochies* Honestly,
I don’t want to get into the Men are from
Mars, Women are from Venus theories right now. My husband is a saint and I love his manly aggression. I was just trying to stir up controversy…I
mean, make you giggle. So Max is a typical male. He tries to dominate every
situation he’s in…and if he’s not in it, he’ll try to get in it just so he can
dominate. Once his ‘aggression’ gets the best of him he just wants to be
cuddled. I just hope that he doesn’t get aggressive around baby or I’ll have to
chop what’s left of his nuts off. I’ll
take a little cue from my cousin Tiffanie and maybe start pushing around a
stroller with a baby doll in it, just to get the canine’s in the habit of
seeing that we love someone other than them…well….in addition to them. I do
love the stinky fur babies. I don’t know what else to do to prepare them.
Anyone have a baby I can use? Wait, that might not be good. Never mind. I don’t
want any law suits. Maybe I’ll stick to the baby DOLL idea for now.
26 more
weeks and we’ll be lovin’ and smoochin’ on our brand new butter bean!! Now that
I’m pretty much on the tail end of this morning sickness business, I just need
to find a cure for all this heart burn!! Good lord I had no heartburn with Gabe
and do you remember that kids hair??? He looked like a Chia Pet!! Stuck
straight up off the poor kids dome! There was no taming it! Grandma always said
if you have a lot of heartburn baby will have a full head of hair. There’s so
much I don’t remember about pregnancy, like can I take Tums for heartburn??? I
guess I should make a list for Doc tomorrow.
Well, cross all
your fingers and toes, wear a belt, braid your hair, wrap your scarves, and
wear shoes with strings that tie….baby Silver and I need some hope and prayer
tomorrow!!!
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